Jokes & Funnies
- Thread starter Andylaser
- Start date
Beachlover
Moderator
BorderReiver
Moderator
Saint-Just
Administrator
Saint-Just
Administrator
My E by gum special:
What's the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl?
One shoots but can't hit.
What's the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl?
One shoots but can't hit.
Beachlover
Moderator
Saint-Just
Administrator
Saint-Just
Administrator
Saint-Just
Administrator
And another E by Gum special:
An ice cream van has just crashed in our street.
Police have coned off the area!
An ice cream van has just crashed in our street.
Police have coned off the area!
Jaggededge
Explorer
Have you noticed how more and more French words are making their way into English language. Take hors d’œuvres for example,and that's just for starters.
Beachlover
Moderator
Scientists have discovered another new pathogen they are calling the Peekaboo virus.
Doctors are sending anyone with peekaboo straight to ICU.
Doctors are sending anyone with peekaboo straight to ICU.
Beachlover
Moderator
Andylaser
Administrator
Beachlover
Moderator
Saint-Just
Administrator
An elderly woman, well into her eighties, slowly entered the front door of a 'Sex Shop'.
Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbled the few feet across to the counter.
Finally grabbing the counter for support, and s-tut-ter- ing, she asked the sales clerk,
"Dooo youuuu have dilllldooos?"
The clerk, (trying hard not to laugh), politely replied,
"Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models. . ."
The old woman then asked:
"Doooo youuuu carrryy aaa pppinkk onnee, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd
aabboutt ttwoo inchesss ththiickk ... aaand rrunns on bbaatteries ?"
Trying not to laugh, and with a little smile creeping around his mouth, the clerk responded,
"Yes, Yes we do."
She stammered,
"Dddooo yyoouu kknnnooww hhhoww ttooo ttturrrnn iittt offff?"
Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbled the few feet across to the counter.
Finally grabbing the counter for support, and s-tut-ter- ing, she asked the sales clerk,
"Dooo youuuu have dilllldooos?"
The clerk, (trying hard not to laugh), politely replied,
"Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models. . ."
The old woman then asked:
"Doooo youuuu carrryy aaa pppinkk onnee, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd
aabboutt ttwoo inchesss ththiickk ... aaand rrunns on bbaatteries ?"
Trying not to laugh, and with a little smile creeping around his mouth, the clerk responded,
"Yes, Yes we do."
She stammered,
"Dddooo yyoouu kknnnooww hhhoww ttooo ttturrrnn iittt offff?"
Saint-Just
Administrator
E by Gum of the day, an old classic but still...
Of all the bad puns in the world, the ones about German sausages are the wurst.
Of all the bad puns in the world, the ones about German sausages are the wurst.
Jaggededge
Explorer
Got attacked by 3 blokes last night. I managed to knock one out. Not the best time for a wank but it might have been my last chance.
Saint-Just
Administrator
Of all the generous youngsters in the world, German children will always be kinder.
Saint-Just
Administrator
I should really apologise for those. So, sorry, not sorry (easily amused). 
Some guy rang me up, tried to sell me a coffin. I said that’s the last thing I need.
Some guy rang me up, tried to sell me a coffin. I said that’s the last thing I need.
Beachlover
Moderator
I took my dog to the vet, he was looking out of sorts and just not himself.
When I went to collect him the vet gave me a bill for £600! I said: “How can you justify that? What’s the matter with him?”
He said: “I can’t tell you!” Me: “Why?”
“Doctor patient confidentiality.”
When I went to collect him the vet gave me a bill for £600! I said: “How can you justify that? What’s the matter with him?”
He said: “I can’t tell you!” Me: “Why?”
“Doctor patient confidentiality.”
