Beachlover
Moderator
How many Tories does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They use gaslighting.
None. They use gaslighting.
There is alsoNicola called Boris a ....
Nicola Sturgeon called Boris Johnson 'a f****** clown' over Covid lockdown
The then-first minister made the comment to her former chief of staff after Prime Minister announced another national lockdown.news.stv.tv
Nicola Sturgeon urged to apologise after leaked WhatsApp messages describing Matt Hancock as “Weaker than a nuns piss,” Liz Truss as “About as much use as a marzipan dildo,” and referring to Suella Braverman as “Shitler.”
I don't think infection and mortality stats support that. Hence why I granted (easily) the communications bit.Oh I think they were a great deal better than Boris and his ilk, right across the board of Scottish politics.
But then, I am biased
I see you, the Popular Conservatives.
Come off it now - this is hardly fair. What am I supposed to do when you lot are now so beyond parody that you launch one of these farcical bowel movements every other week? This is just the National Conservatives all over again, except this time you attracted even fewer speakers and broke apart on launch like an early Space-X rocket. You’re not even popular with each other, for Christ’s sake - just the thought of being tainted by association with you sent Kwasi Kwarteng running for hills. Grab the PopCon, lads. The Nat-Cs are marching again.
You know you don’t *have* to keep giving Liz Truss a podium, right? Just put her down in a quiet corner with some soft furnishings, and she’d be fine with a colouring book and some non-toxic crayons. I’d drill a few holes in them first, mind - I wouldn’t want her to choke.
Is it really that thrilling to keep turning up to watch her speak, again and again, as she plucks random words to emphasise out of the air? It’s like the very act of saying them aloud is somehow enough to make her jump. The woman’s done nothing but deliver her standard Greatest Shits checklist in every speech she’s given since her swan dive into the pavement. Leftwing extremists, the woke blob, the terrifying Davos Man coming for all our children, silent Conservatives, economic orthodoxies, PORK MARKETS, et cetera et cetera.
Truss has got this embarrassing little caucus captivated, and yet she speaks with the nervous energy of a woman trying and failing to twat a spider with a tea towel. Is it really that exciting to watch her repeatedly pause for applause that never comes? What’s so enthralling about that Uncanny Valley grin she plasters across her face, as her eyes pop wider than a steaming raver watching the fireworks at Beat-Herder? Just give her a soapbox somewhere out in the wild and be done with it. You can call it Beaker’s Corner and her and her rotating cast of muppets can beep away to themselves for all eternity.
I know the Tory vote is crumbling away into the sea faster than Blackgang Chine on a rainy day but surely even you lot can pretend you’ve got a bigger target audience than two? Never mind the millions of voters looking at their mortgage payments with their heads in their hands. What we really need to do to win is bring in a faded Australian pop star and a bloke who’s failed to get elected as an MP seven times. What’s worse; losing to a dolphin, a lettuce, or the bloke who came second to you and yet somehow still won?
What a pair they were, sat there enraptured by the latest sermon on the mount. Nigel Farage, a coprophiliac flounder who can smell an outpouring of batshit in the water from three miles away, and… Holly Valance. Anyone remember her? Of course they don’t, but how wonderfully emblematic she’s suddenly become of all those ‘silent conservatives’ you lot insist are still lurking somewhere deep in the nation’s immune system.
There are plenty of disgruntled voters like beloved everywoman Holly Valance out there, all of them desperate for a boogeyman to pin their failed businesses on! All each and every one of them have to do is marry a billionaire and the cost of living crisis will drop right down their list of priorities at the ballot box. What an aspirational vision for Britain you lot are offering.
Just a maddening, tone-deaf, Groundhog Day repetition of the self same bollocks that the bought and paid for crank Truss touted in her disastrous embarrassment of a stint in charge. The woman who nosedived the economy into a mountain of debt, taking every mortgage holder with her, sniping from the sidelines like she didn’t completely blow her opportunity. I’d almost have sympathy for Sunak, were he not now repeatedly exposing himself as a deeply unpleasant and morally diminutive little man.
With friends like you, who needs to make enemies of a murdered girl’s grieving father? Well, he does, apparently. Because there’s just no bottom of the barrel for the Tories any more, whether you’re the Prime Minister or yet another self-indulgent wine and cheese party getting bankrolled by Tufton Street.
Can’t you all just get along? You’ve got so much in common, from the depths of your talent pools to the height of your intellects.
I see you, The Popular Conservatives. I fucking see you.
Apears the labour party can but the tories will shout about it like a vegan with a lettuce roast.Can anyone explain to me why saying that the Israeli govt ignored all the warnings about the impending Hamas attack so that they could have an excuse to obliterate the Palestinians, was antisemitic?